never knowing what i always knew.

So today we had this nice day where I just went out to see some old high school friends, picked up my hockey stick from Pt. Roberts, and just had a nice day of chilling with Alex and Franz out at 'the place', which they've never been to before. They were quite pleasantly surprised by it, and we had some nice weather as we walked off lunch.

We were listening to some oldies (i.e. pop songs from high school era) on the car on the way back, and some of the songs were quite nice to hear again. Franz and Alex stopped on the way to pick up some orders in NCIX, and I was alone guarding the car when I heard a song I haven't in a long time.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

And some emotions just come surging up again. While I've had hints and such occasionally through the past while, this song just kinda snapped it. And I realized, I really don't know myself. I thought that I was one who likes easily, lets go easily, basically a weakling who talks more than he does and never pursues hard. I was at least partially wrong. It still hurts like a fresh wound. I let go easily on the outside, but on the inside, it's still there, when I dig deep enough past all the things that occupy my attention. And I have no bloody clue why.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

I'm such an idiot. =) I don't even know why I'm posting this up. Or maybe I do know, but I just don't want to acknowledge it. Bleh.