my song that no one hears.

standing in the rain, tears streaming down, playing a song that no one can hear, people passing by without seeing.

coming back to the song of my heart that no one knows, again.



Poison (Slow Version) - GTO

never knowing what i always knew.

So today we had this nice day where I just went out to see some old high school friends, picked up my hockey stick from Pt. Roberts, and just had a nice day of chilling with Alex and Franz out at 'the place', which they've never been to before. They were quite pleasantly surprised by it, and we had some nice weather as we walked off lunch.

We were listening to some oldies (i.e. pop songs from high school era) on the car on the way back, and some of the songs were quite nice to hear again. Franz and Alex stopped on the way to pick up some orders in NCIX, and I was alone guarding the car when I heard a song I haven't in a long time.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

And some emotions just come surging up again. While I've had hints and such occasionally through the past while, this song just kinda snapped it. And I realized, I really don't know myself. I thought that I was one who likes easily, lets go easily, basically a weakling who talks more than he does and never pursues hard. I was at least partially wrong. It still hurts like a fresh wound. I let go easily on the outside, but on the inside, it's still there, when I dig deep enough past all the things that occupy my attention. And I have no bloody clue why.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

I'm such an idiot. =) I don't even know why I'm posting this up. Or maybe I do know, but I just don't want to acknowledge it. Bleh.

echo.

heard this song recently again.

i haven't heard a song that resounds my feelings quite as exactly as this song does.

lovely storm.

mark - when even silence sets my heart to racing. says:
ORLY?
mark - when even silence sets my heart to racing. says:
nice
[2] furanzu says:
WTH!!
[2] furanzu says:
suddently
[2] furanzu says:
theres crazy hail outside
[2] furanzu says:
its so crazy
[2] furanzu says:
WTH THE TREE JUST FLEW
[2] furanzu says:
WTH
[2] furanzu says:
A BIRD JUST DIED
[2] furanzu says:
WAT THE HECK IS GOING ON

[2] furanzu says:
OMG

mark - when even silence sets my heart to racing. says:
...

[2] furanzu appears to be offline. Messages you send will be delivered when they sign in. Email this contact instead.

orion

no, i didn't spell 'onion' wrong. i just had this impulse to post about this.

so i walked into my washroom last night, when all was quiet, and on impulse, i decided not to turn on the lights, but instead closed the door and opened the blinds on the window which faced south, and looked out into the night sky.

at first, i wasn't able to see anything. but slowly, when my eyes have adjusted, i began to see a star here, and a star there. the 3 stars of Orion's belt slowly came into focus, as well as his limbs and his arms. another bright star came into focus to the right of Orion, and i thought, maybe that's mars or venus or the international space station or something, because Polaris usually isn't that low in the sky.

as i continued to squint up at the sky, I can almost see the mass of stars that runs across the night sky, the milky way. but it remains elusively out of focus, out of reach, because of the bright city lights that brighten up the night sky. a sadness wells up within my heart when i realized that all this seems to be echoing with something within my heart, something regarding the state of my life now.

i closed the blinds, and i returned to my room to seek my Father.





Nicol's Piano Namida No Theme - Kakishima Shinji

if You are.

if You are God, and if You are mighty to save indeed

then please save me from my useless self in this world.

where I can do nothing well, where I am still a brat, a child incapable of taking responsibility, where I am just mere mediocrity in whatever I do, where those who like me quickly shy away after they see through me, where I can't see the important things and go after them, where I cannot control myself, and where my eyes are dried up because I've ran out of tears.

if You are, then please.

a beautiful life - random thought.

The white wings of the butterfly flicked through the air, tangy with a slight smell of salt and pushed by a gentle breeze.

"What purpose does a butterfly have in its short life? It is born on ripe leaves during the budding spring, frolicks among the flowers during summertime, and disappears into dust amid the falling autumn leaves. Yet in the grand scheme of nature made by the Lord, it has a part and purpose. If it lives aside from that though, it has no purpose to its life at all.

... Just as we are, I guess? Just as we are."

The butterfly flew on, as the warm sun continues to shine.


Beautiful song this is, ain't it?