Determination

Where has that little boy gone, who fought with his life on the line for the victory, against all odds and expectations?

Where has that teenage brat gone, who for love was willing to risk his pride and live his time, with a silly grin stuck on his face?

Where has that young man gone, who defended his master's name and followed His call at all costs, bravely and shamelessly?

And when will the child of God appear once more, striving against the world to do what needs to be done, in plenty or in want, in sadness or in joy, in the midst of many, or in the corner of a darkened room?


Lord, please help me.



Fall on Jesus... Fall on Jesus... and live.

His kindness, in spite of my sin that is and now was before me, is astounding.

Same goes for His justice.

"Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain "


Actually, today I feel really grateful to God for creating music.

Usually, it's something that I don't think about. I sing, I listen, I play, all different kinds of music. Some of them are sad, some are happy, some are 'cool', some are upbeat, and some... just brings peace.

"Hide me now, under Your wings
Cover me, within Your mighty hand
When the oceans rise, and thunders roar
I will soar with you, above the storm
Father you are King, over the flood
I will be still, know You, are God."

In times of pain, God grants great songs that just lifts my heart and helps me to focus on Him, on what I need to do. Seeing beautiful pictures in nature helps me to do that too. For other people, it might be similar things or different things, but God still grants us all a way to be lifted out of our despair, through these things we often take for granted.

Thanks dude! =)


"I have been there.
I know what pain is all about
Yes I have been there
And I'm standing with you now
I have been there
And I came to build a bridge oh so
This road could lead you home
Oh I have been there."

For some reason, mark has this GENIUS-level idea to start his term paper a day before it's due. kthxbye.

Oh, and a Pic of the Day right here.

So here I was, driving up the hill through the fog and gloom to drop off Karen back at her house. Been a really weird day, with me not knowing how to respond to someone's sadness (again, which also makes me wonder about my abilities and whether I can be a doctor/teacher who cares for people and knows what to do...), and with people just not being in their normal shape. After I dropped off Karen, I began to drive home... then decided to take a detour and take the upper way home. Strangely, the scene begins to brighten somewhat, and then I realized that I can see the blue skies. It was, well, freakin' amazing. It's not anything I haven't seen before, true. But it also served to remind me that God is telling us, "Keep walking. I know it's hard, I know where you are and what you're going through right now, but I'll be with you and with those I love, always." Then boom, and you see it, and you realize, Oh, He isn't speaking crap at all. Why was I doubting Him?

Hey, take care, alright? I'll keep praying for you, and I want to talk to you if you don't mind (gimme a call!). These pictures are for you, and also for anybody whose day seems so gloomy and dark. They don't capture a tenth of the beauty... but I think 1/10th of God's glory in that is quite cool already =)




"30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:30-33

Random convos:

Ying Fa -- back in Ottawa says:
ohh, yesterday was my first time ever going into the T&T supermarket
Ying Fa -- back in Ottawa says:
it's crazy in there!
mark - gto: poison. says:
...
mark - gto: poison. says:
welcome to asian middle-aged-women central
Ying Fa -- back in Ottawa says:
what?
mark - gto: poison. says:
prepare for your car to be scratched, for the deals to be snatched, and for you place in the line to be budged.
Ying Fa -- back in Ottawa says:
lol

ahh, the times of our life.

Countdown: Two days.

It better bloody arrive on time =p

Quotes that caught my eye:
"Sorrow looks back,
Worry looks around,
Faith looks up."

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through Love."
- Galatians 5:6


Random Thought:
Sometimes, I find it kinda funny how people put so much trust in their feelings, that they even use it as a compass for "what is right and what is wrong" in everything. True, sometimes "gut instincts" seem to work. However, going after "what feels good to me" as a guide to truth just plain doesn't make sense.

Then again, those people who are convinced that they are right won't even realize that they are doing that, or that anything is wrong with doing it either.

Thought of the Day =)

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love."
Proverbs 27:5 ESV

"An honest answer
is like a kiss on the lips.."
Proverbs 24:26 NIV
"Giving an honest answer
is a sign of true friendship.
Proverbs 24:26 CEV


Better honesty than hiding the truth, for the truth will come back to bite your arse, someday.

*starts engine*

goes out of the course, pushes car back in, starts car and go again.

and the race goes on.






On another note - Countdown begins. Arrival in 7 days.

Been an interesting week with its downs, I'd say.

Actually, I had a lot to say yesterday, but it got swallowed down in the midst of everything. Suffice to say though, I feel more at peace now, though not much had actually happened.

And I actually managed to say "No" once too, which is awesome.


Now... @ 1PM, off to pick up my RAM (FINALLY), "secret package #2", and "secret package #3". May God help me on #3 there =)


Note: Oh yeah, funny thought that struck me yesterday. I was like, "Oh, hmm, aren't I in the situation where girls say "I like Mark: he makes a cool friend.", but none of them like me in 'that' way?"

Then I was like, OBVIOUSLY, since girls like guys who are, IMHO, funny, responsible, driven and can change. I'm only one of the above, and only sometimes am I funny =p

Then I realized that I was sounding like David back in high school again. GAAAAH.



OH!!! Just remembered what I was thinking about again. I was thinking after I wrote my last entry, and I thought, well, people might think that it's really all angsty.

Then I saw this and I bursted out laughing. Courtesy of Urban Dictionary.

1.Angst
Angst is about downtrodden teenagers thinking they're the only bloody people in the world who have it tough, and thinks that gives them an excuse to wallow in their own self-pity instead of actually doing something about their situation

Certainly DOES sound like it, eh? =) Even though I'm pretty sure that I wasn't.

And a coupla other thoughts that I can't remember. Oh well, that's for later =D



EDIT: Oh yeah, I remember now! Was talking to Franz and Alex earlier in the week. Managed to piss them both off and Franz said, you know, you blog sounds pathetic. God didn't give you just that.

mark: Yeah, I know I'm pathetic. (What's the bloody point?)


But yes, if you thought it was pathetic too, YOU ARE CORRECT =D

I don't know, but it sounds mightily amusing to me for some odd reason. I must be acquiring a Mr. Miller-style humor.

-_-"


EDIT2: Oh, here's what Franz said when I told him about the definition =)


franz says:
??
mark - gto: poison. says:
haha
mark - gto: poison. says:
sounds like my blog from earlier?
mark - gto: poison. says:
i started laughing when i saw this in urban dictionary
franz says:
i guess so?
mark - gto: poison. says:
then i clicked on the link to "emo"
mark - gto: poison. says:
and i lost it
mark - gto: poison. says:
rofl
franz says:
but it does define ur current situation
mark - gto: poison. says:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emo
mark - gto: poison. says:
does it?
mark - gto: poison. says:
i don't think it is that for me, though it sounds like it.
franz says:
hmmm
mark - gto: poison. says:
for me, i understand that lots of people have it tougher
mark - gto: poison. says:
and that i'm not unique
mark - gto: poison. says:
but it was more like i want to give up on myself
mark - gto: poison. says:
consciously
franz says:
hmm
mark - gto: poison. says:
becuase i don't want to do something about my situation
mark - gto: poison. says:
so, in other words
mark - gto: poison. says:
i'm an EVOLVED Angsty teenager! =D